I did kill myself... once. Check this out, if you didn't see it already. I replaced the opening page to GoochOnline.com with this fake Oregonian story. If ever there was a way to piss off my friends and family, this was it. Not sure why I did it... it wasn't one of those things where I wanted to see how people would react; I didn't "stage" my death. It was just one of those unfunny things i've done. Like this entire website.
We're on an orange/high terror alert. I say that when the going gets tough... the tough go to Canada. The Ministry of Tourism (or whatever they have there) in Canada should advertise on american news channels. They could use slogans like: "Canada: We're anthrax free!" or "Canada: no one hates us!" or "Canada: We're just a mushroom cloud away!" or "This high-terror alert brought to you by Canada!"
The Homeland Security task force suggested that Americans keep items such as flashlights, duct tape, and plastic sheets in the event of some attack. Apparently Canadian TV star Red Green has been appointed to the US Homeland Security team. Because, if the ladies don't find you handsome, at least let them find you in a house insulated with plastic sheets and duct tape.
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