GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

I think that by now I've written way more than I've ever, ever read. Can you imagine how much better off I'd be, how much smarter -- if I'd spent all this time reading a goddamned book or two?

I'm going nuts. I'm on an orange terror alert... I still don't know what the fuck that means. I'm just going to wrap myself in saran wrap and duct tape until all this crap blows over. Lately, I find myself worried about other people's relationships when I recently managed to really fuck mine up. I'm like Kevin Mitnick, famous hacker turned prison bitch turned "security consultant" turned hack victim. Full circle is a motherfucker, isn't it Kevin? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I and everyone else should heal thyselves instead of worrying about everyone else. Actually, I have no idea what I'm trying to say... I'm as incoherent as Anna Nicole Smith at an eating contest or Farrah Fawcett on David Letterman. I can't even blame it on the DayQuil anymore. Well, I can, but you wouldn't believe it anyway. I think this site has jumped the shark. Actually, I think John "Gooch" Gallucci jumped the shark months ago. Get me the number for Jack Kevorkian.