CNN: We're Married, Sleeping Separately
I guess restless legs, snoring, and despising your partner are reasons that people are choosing to sleep in separate beds. I happen to snore. I happen to snore more when I drink. When I actually wake up with someone else in bed with me, there was likely some drinking involved the night before. Sometimes a virtual stranger has to bear witness to the full force of my snoring. Girls that know better often leave before sleep takes place (also known as two problems resolving themselves at once). I was once asked upon waking up one morning if I "have sleep apnea." My Father does, but I certainly didn't think I did. I was told that I stopped breathing for up to 10 seconds or longer. Scary.
James Bond wakes up with chicks, and I'm sure as fuck his snoring isn't the first topic of conversation. God dammit, I hate myself. Here's some other things that people have said in the morning after waking up with me:
"You're not going to write about this on your blog, are you?"
"Don't tell anyone about this."
"I can't believe that happened."
"Sorry I broke your wrist restraint."
"I like pusghetti and meatballs"
"My God... [boyfriend's name] left 18 voice mails last night."
"You're leaving already? It's only 4am!"
Yes, I'm a pillar of society and the poster child for healthy interpersonal relationships.
gooch:out
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